The Inexplicable

You People Quit Bothering Goat Man

Goat Man, Lurkin' "The sighting of a man dressed in a goat suit on a Utah mountain is causing concern among state wildlife officials," begins this report on the recent sighting of a man dressed in a goat suit on…


Joe Francis Is Following Me [Updated]

Normally that phrase is being uttered in a panicked whisper during a 911 call, or possibly as part of a desperate, high-pitched shriek, but luckily here it only refers to Twitter: This is a little puzzling since Joe and I…


Another Incident of Taco-Related Violence

Filled with danger Hot on the heels of this weekend's news that somebody tried to run over another person for canceling a taco order comes this report that a 23-year-old man crashed his truck into a Taco Bell after it failed…



THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE

A woman defended herself with a "pooper scooper" for nearly half an hour while a man tried to hit her with another pooper scooper in Plymouth Pillars Park early Thursday, according to the Seattle Police Department. There don't appear to…


It’s Not the Droids We’re Looking For, Actually

Obiwan Kenobi, who it seems ended up retiring to Roseville, California, was arrested on Saturday after an investigation pointed to him as the alleged culprit in a hit-and-run. Kenobi fled the scene, presumably leaving behind only an empty robe that officers…



Invisible Man Fails to Appear

Artist's Impression In February, a 28-year-old Georgia man called 911 to report that he was invisible. According to the Barrow Patch, paramedics and a deputy with the Barrow County Sheriff's Office responded to the call on February 17. The paramedics…



Nor Can the Court Order Specific Performance

[O]ne of the central recurring assertions in Washington’s pleadings is that his genitals are shrinking and prison officials are responsible for this process. Indeed, Washington’s prior complaints have, inter alia, requested that we reverse the process and restore him to his former stature, something that…