Lowering the Bar

Swedish Child-Bikinis Called "Remarkably Daft"

Swedish clothing maker Lindex said this week that it had decided to stop selling a controversial line of childrens' clothes that a Norwegian cabinet minister had criticized as "bikinis on small children." "It is remarkably daft to make bra-like bikinis for one-year-olds," said Laila Daavoey, the Norwegian Minister of Children and Family Affairs. "This is a terrible commercialization of childhood. Children are not women. . . . We must say 'No' to this."

A Lindex spokeswoman admitted that at least one design, intended for children aged one to two years, was "a bit too similar to an adult top" and that the company was withdrawing it, but denied that the decision had anything to do with the Norwegian complaint.

The Reuters story noted that this year "Norway is celebrating 100 years of independence from Sweden," apparently suggesting that Norway is just irritated at Sweden lately because it's been reminded of its prior domination by its larger and much, much more attractive and shapely neighbor. If so, it needs to keep working on ways to get back at Sweden. The story also noted that earlier in March, Norway's prime minister "criticized Swedish furniture maker IKEA for showing few women assembling flat-packed goods in cartoon instruction leaflets. IKEA agreed to depict more women [assembling flat-packed goods in cartoon instruction leaflets]."

Zing! Norway 2, Sweden 0 . . . I guess.

Reuters.com

Rhode Island Anti-Autograph Bill Doomed to Failure

Rhode Island Senator Roger Badeau says he was appalled when Red Sox players participated in an autograph-signing event in his state last year and charged children $200 per autograph.  Feeling that the state need to send a message that sports figures should not be preying on children, he sponsored a bill on the subject that has now passed the state Senate unanimously and is being considered by the House.

The bill imposes a $100 fine on any professional athlete or entertainer who charges anyone under 16 for an autograph.  Since the going rate for autographs in Rhode Island is apparently $200, I'm not exactly sure what message that really sends, other than maybe, "autographs in Rhode Island will now cost $300."

Boston Globe

Schiavo Case Headline of the Week

Juggler Says, 'God Told Me to Come'

St. Petersburg Times Online

Latest Excerpt That You Would Hope is a Joke But Unfortunately Is Probably True

"Among [Court TV's] new reality series: 'Get Me Bruce Cutler!' with John Gotti's former lawyer going to small-town America to work on some small-time cases; 'Las Vegas Law,' in which lawyer Bucky Buchanan is followed as he defends people who have run afoul of the law; and 'Parco, PI,' about a dysfunctional family of New York private eyes."

Associated Press

Men Who Posed as Wife Beaters Sue Over Wife-Beater Portrayal

In late 2002, New York City ran an anti-domestic-abuse ad campaign that pictured men behind bars with captions such as "Successful executive. Devoted churchgoer. Abusive husband." The four male models who agreed to be pictured as the abusers are now suing the city, claiming that the ads have given people the impression that the models actually were abusers.

The men, who were paid $1500-2000 for posing in the ads, claim that the city had agreed that the ads would be posted only in buses and subways and would only run for about five weeks. They allege that the ads in fact stayed up for nearly a year and appeared in other locations, including police stations and charities. The lawsuit alleges that because the ads stayed up so long, friends of the models became convinced that the men had actually been arrested for "women beating." And if you ask me, showing that a model's friend was confused is pretty conclusive evidence. The models' lawyer, Jeffrey Pagano, called the ad campaign "a public service that's gone sideways," which frankly doesn't sound all that bad, and that it had "turned into a horror show," which sounds worse but also does not sound all that true. Among the unknown models now seeking $1 million each in damages is a guy named "Triple Edwards," which until now I thought was some kind of ice skating maneuver.

The city said it was "not privy" to any time limit on the ads, but has agreed to take down any of the ads that are still up. City officials have also pointed out that the men did after all agree to be portrayed as domestic abusers.

This is an interesting development that movie studios, among others, probably need to be aware of. For example, "The Passion of the Christ" has been running so long now that a lot of models' friends are probably convinced that those actors really helped kill Jesus. And that could cause all kinds of problems.

Reuters.com

Easter Bunny Beaten, Will Prosecute

Police in Bay City, Michigan, reported that a boy who had come to a local mall to sit on the Easter Bunny's lap returned the next day and punched the Bunny repeatedly in the face. Bryan Johnson, who plays the Bunny at Bay City Mall, said the child had shown no signs of trouble the day before. "He came up and said hi," Johnson said, "and was sitting on my lap and talking. He seemed OK." But when the boy came back the next day, "He just started hitting."

Johnson, who suffered a bloody nose, said he was hit at least six times. He did not retaliate, feeling it was "inappropriate for the Easter Bunny to fight back." Inappropriate, maybe, but hilarious to think about. I would pay good money for a film, if there is one, of a 6-foot Easter Bunny in a fight with a child.

In the spirit of Easter, Johnson will be pressing charges. "[The police] told me it was up to me, and I feel that the boy should be prosecuted," he said.

AP via Yahoo! News -- thanks to Rob Bogen

7-Year Sentence for British Fruit-Wielding Bandit

The string of odd-robbery reports continues. The AP reported on Wednesday that Robert Downey, a 24-year-old British man, was sentenced to seven years in jail for attempting to rob a local bookmaker's shop with a banana.

According to prosecutors, Downey was hoping to get money to buy more crack. He had a ski mask but no gun, and so he stopped by the grocer's on the way to his target and bought a banana. Arriving at the bookmaker's shop, he concealed the fruit in a bag, pointed it at the two bookies and screamed, "I want the money or I will [expletive] shoot you."

That would be comical in a British accent to begin with, but even more so if it is fairly obvious that the robber has not a gun but a banana-shaped object that might in fact be a banana. That's what bookmaker Peter Humphrey immediately suggested to his friend, remarking, "He said he has a gun, but it might be a banana." Downey then produced a pair of scissors, which should have been more threatening except that by this point his credibility was completely gone. He got no money and fled the shop.

Police arrived quickly and found Downey still in the vicinity, struggling to get his too-tight mask off. According to the AP, a police dog found the banana, "badly bruised," lying nearby.

Downey pleaded guilty to one count of attempted robbery and admitted to "possessing an imitation firearm." The sentencing judge pointed out that "you did say, although it may seem comic now but not quite so comic at the time, that in the bag was a firearm," though "your victims having guessed what it was, [the attempt] was never going to succeed." Downey's lawyer unsuccessfully argued for a lighter sentence, calling his client's robbery attempt "farcical and incompetent."

Link: AP via SF Chronicle

Headline of the Week

Sumo World Says "No Thanks" to Pants

(The report noted that Japan's professional sumo association has rejected a request that children be allowed to compete in "sumo pants" rather than the traditional "mawashi," so that more of them will take up the sport.)

Reuters.com

Louisiana Convenience Store Robbed by Pirate

Last week I reported that Butte, Montana, was apparently plagued by leprechauns around St. Patrick's Day. This week it's pirates in Louisiana.

Police in New Iberia said they had arrested a man in connection with the robbery of a Food N Fun convenience store on Saturday, March 19. The suspect, Brandon Doucet, 28, is accused of entering the store about 8 pm, with a sword clenched between his teeth, and growling at the clerk. It appears that the growl was a not-fully-articulated "Arrrrrr!", since the clerk described the man as acting "like a pirate." As the sheriff put it, "If he had been wearing a patch and a hat on his head and a parrot, [the clerk] would have thought he was a pirate." (Since he wasn't, he was only "like a pirate," I guess, and thus not believed to be an actual pirate. Hey, maybe it was Captain Morgan.) Growling continuously, the man walked behind the counter, grabbed some tobacco and whiskey -- typical pirate booty -- and then left the store.

Police spotted the suspect's car shortly thereafter and a chase ensued. Yon pirate sideswiped at least two other vessels before dousing his running lamps, leaving the highway and driving down a dirt road, "only to find a dirt mound at the end of it, which police say he proceeded to hit, ending the chase."

The accused buccaneer is being held in the Iberia Parish jail on a $250,000 bond, which seems like a lot for a pirate.

Baton Rouge Advocate

Moments of Zen

"'I lied about being a lawyer but other than the lie, everything else was totally legit,' Goldstein said [at his sentencing hearing]."

(He won 25 cases in 8 months of fake practice.)

FindLaw.com

"Flemming, who practices in Concord, Calif., is an ophthalmologist who says he once performed eye surgery on a one-legged duck."

USA Today.com  -- thanks to John Cooke

Twin Indicted in Man's Death
   Prosecutor calls brothers' fight over hamburger 'stupid'

Baton Rouge Advocate