Assorted Stupidity #88

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  • Former San Diego mayor and alleged face-licker Bob Filner got some good news the other day when a jury refused to award damages to one of the 18 women he allegedly harassed while in office. The jury found Filner did harass the plaintiff, but apparently didn’t think it was pervasive enough to be “severe.” The woman claimed Filner asked her on a date, groped her, and put her in what Courthouse News called as “the now-famous ‘Filner headlock,'” which sounds fairly severe to me. San Diego has paid about a million bucks to settle lawsuits by women who alleged Filner used that or some other trademarked move on them while he was mayor.
  • A woman in Germany called police from a hotel room recently to report an unknown man in her bed. The unknown man turned out to be her husband (who she knew). The article doesn’t explain except to note that both were drunk, and I’m going to speculate that another substance was also involved because the couple jointly reported “that people wearing ape masks had been wandering around the hotel.” The woman later showed up at a nearby police station to report both events again, so either there was something to this after all or she just forgot she had already called the police.
  • My dilemma with this one is whether every “man arrested for riding motorized [insert nonstandard vehicle] while intoxicated” story needs to be assigned to the DSUWI category, or only when there’s a new kind of vehicle involved (e.g. last November’s picnic tables). Since that one was also in Perth, and we’ve already done eskys too (Aug. 2011, though on the other side of Australia), I think I’ll put it here.
  • Seems worth mentioning this guy was arrested in a suburb of Perth called Wanneroo, which is north of Marangaroo and Koondoola, east of Mullaloo and Kallaroo, and on the shores of Lake Joondalup in Yellagonga Park. It seems like a fun place to live. If you ever got depressed you could just go around saying the names of things.
  • Another fun thing to say is “Jammie Dodgers,” which is not the name of the guy arrested in Perth but rather a brand name used in the UK by Burton’s Biscuit Co. for its extremely popular shortbread biscuits (we’d call them “cookies”) with jam filling. You can’t have too many Jammie Dodgers, which might be why five thieves stole £20,000 worth of them last year, calmly driving into the factory with a stolen truck, loading up the treats and driving away. Last week they were sentenced to a total of about 11 years in jail for the heist.
  • That’s a dumb reason to end up in jail (not that there are many especially smart ones), but I will give one of them credit for shouting “Anyone want a biscuit?” as they were being led away after sentencing. Apparently the biscuits were not recovered, so they may have stashed them all somewhere to await their release. They better have a pretty solid pact, or else the last guys back to the hideout will find the first one covered in crumbs. And then it will get ugly.