Spaghetti Arsonist in a Bull Onesie? I’m Guessing It’s Florida
Featuring a local news clip that is worth your time.
Criminal
Fleeing Suspect Apprehended by His Car
Is there video? Of course there’s video.
Suspect’s Toilet Strike Ends After 47 Days—Successfully
That is not a typo. Forty-seven days.
Court Orders Martin Shkreli to Forfeit Smirk
The ruling presumably leaves him with no facial expression at all.
New Assault Charges for Rogue Canadian Golfer Who Tried to Escape on Ice Floe
He managed to get out of this water hazard, but it didn’t do him much good.
Sospechosos Con 4,000 Kilos de Naranjas No Saben de Dónde Vinieron
But coincidentally, four metric tons of them were missing from a nearby warehouse.
Suspect’s “Toilet Strike” Enters Third Week
His long-term strategy is frankly unclear.
Suspect Who Asks About His “Other Murder Case” Is Charged With That One, Too
“Hm, well, I don’t see anything else on the docket, but I imagine the detectives here would be happy to look into it.”
Yep, That’s My Ferrari
It wasn’t.
Of Course There Was a Comma in “I Want a Lawyer Dog”
No, not between “I” and “Want a Lawyer Dog,” as if he were referring to himself, Mr. Want a Lawyer Dog. Please try to take this more seriously. Dog.